Failed!

Dear Blog,

I failed, i didnt keep my promise, im not strong enuf, im such a disgusting person, why dont i have the strength?

Dear Blog,

A lot of people commented that im too stuck up, too harsh, too rough as a woman..and i really wish i could explain to them..i've live in a family thats been treating me that way, ive been in a lot of relationship that requires me to be a stronger individual..so many people have hurt my feelings so badly..day by day, the number continues to rise..it hurts so bad..


Dear Blog,

A couple of days ago, my friend from JB came, hes such a sweetheart..he has always been a dear person in my life, hes not  a friend, nor a lover, he's just always there for me..especially for me to tell him everything about what im going through, coz he seems to be the one to care and actually listen to me..not like others who pretend to care, but never did..


I call him Id, hes a lovely guy, ive known him for ages, when im with him, i can be myself, he is so charming, and very cute, but somehow im not in love with him, we respect each other that way, his girlfriend, is a dear friend of mine, Camelia, is also in Jb, ive no idea which part, i just dont bother to ask..like the name, Camelia is amazingly beautiful, and a good person, in and out, im really happy for them both, for being such a beautiful couple and great to each other..


So Id waited for me after i finish my work, it has been a while, someone waited for me after work, he sat on the sofa for hours, using his I pad that ive no idea how to use..he was there for me..Camelia was not around, she's in JB, she has work to do..she works in QA firm, i think..


Anyways, when i started to talk to Id about my life lately, my eyes became teary..he could see it, when i was quiet and looking at the ground..so he said, " Chill babe, u know u have me, and Camelia..budak2 macam tu, tak payah fikir, buang masa..u are the mature person here, so be mature about it..' those are the exact words that he said..and i will remember it for eternity..yeap, he's right, ive been a foolish person all this while, but yet,i failed to wake up..


Few years back, i used to date his friend, for a while, but he was amazing, his name is Fido,he's in the airline now, a steward, but Fido chose his career, i told him, i dont want him to join the airline, but he said it was his dream, so it was a mutual, and a mature breakup, hes still a good friend of mine, till today..


But Id has witnessed so many heartbroken that ive been to, he has been there forever, i think hes the only guy that has witnessed my tears running on my face, the most..he has always been there, despite his hectic schedule, and his lovely girlfriend, he knows his boundaries, he respect me for who i am, and hes the only person in the world who calls me ANGEL..how sweet is that?


So, Id, if u are reading this, thanks so much, but again, ive failed u..im so sorry..but ur hug means a lot when u left yesterday..

Wasssalam..